I love reminiscing about the epic moments from all the years I've spent teaching children, and in recent years, teenagers as well.
It was Christmas, and I asked the children to think about the famous letter to the Three Wise Men. Naisha, a sweet and gentle girl from India, said to the other kids with all her innocence and conviction:
“I don’t write to those Three Wise Men because it’s not true; they don’t exist. The truth is that the Three Wise Men and Santa Claus don’t bring gifts. It’s your parents who work hard all year to buy the things you like.”
If you’ve worked with kindergarten graders, aged 5 or 6, you’ll know that this kind of statement can feel like breaking news to many. Some refused to believe it and responded, “Don’t lie, or you won’t get anything this year.” Others turned to me and said, “Teacher, listen to what Naisha is saying! Is it true that Santa and the Three Wise Men don’t exist?”
It wasn’t my place to shatter the illusion for so many children, so I thought of saying:
“Everything that exists in our minds and hearts is real. But if it’s not there, that’s okay too.”
The day went on. Naisha decided not to write a letter but created a beautiful drawing for her parents. The other children wrote their letters with great care, though more than one looked at Naisha as if she’d said something unforgivable.
The next day, I received a letter signed by several families. In summary, it said it was outrageous that I, as a teacher, allowed a girl from another country to steal their children’s innocence by saying Santa and the Three Wise Men weren’t real.
By the way, here is all the material I used to work with my students on Three Kings Day. It gives this event a meaningful perspective. Check it out and try it with your kids, amazing learning opportunities await!
Ok, getting back to the story, I read the letter in disbelief. I have always believed that truth should reign in the home and that, if a question arises, it’s the perfect moment to answer it with honesty and sensitivity.
When the children arrived, I noticed that many didn’t want to play with Naisha. It hurt to see that it wasn’t really their doing, but that their parents were upset.
Naisha, confused, asked me,
“Teacher, why do the kids think I didn’t want them to write their letters to the Three Wise Men?”
I replied,
“No, Naisha, it’s not you. What’s happening is that they and their families weren’t ready to hear a different way of seeing the Three Wise Men. It’s like when you hear your favorite story over and over, and someone changes the ending. Sometimes, people don’t like that change.”
Naisha sighed and said,
“Well, teacher, what do I do now? My friends said they didn’t want to play with me.”
I decided to talk to the children and remind them that our cultures and beliefs can be different, and that’s okay. By recess, the children had already forgotten the incident, and Naisha was playing with them as if nothing had happened. A child’s heart is pure and knows how to move on quickly; this is the magic of childhood.
However, the same couldn’t be said for the parents. That day, several moms were waiting for me, visibly upset. I was indignant at how they spoke about a 6-year-old girl, but I chose to put myself in their shoes. I told them exactly what I had said to the children.
I proposed a shift in focus and reframing the question—an approach I’ve developed over the years, which I call the Focus-Shift and Transformation Through Questions Strategy.
Instead of asking:
“Why did Naisha, a 6-year-old girl, steal my child’s innocence?”
I invited them to reflect:
“What valuable cultural and moral opportunity has Naisha taught us? How can we turn this experience into something valuable, fun, and enriching for everyone?”
Many parents’ faces changed immediately. They began discussing how we could work on the beliefs, cultures, and traditions of each family, always with respect.
When we change the questions we ask ourselves, we also change how we see the world. Questions are powerful tools that open doors to new perspectives and help us better understand situations.
When we shift our focus, associate the situation with different language, and add other descriptors, everything can transform.
I invite you to work on this strategy with families. It has served me well in my years of teaching.
Finally, I encourage you to celebrate this Christmas with your loved ones in the way that touches your heart the most. May the coming year bring you and yours much growth and wonderful emotions.
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