Understanding Their Emotions Makes Learning Stick, and Ensures Success

There are moments in class that make you stop and think.
A child looks at you and says, with total honesty, “Yes, teacher, I know, I promise I’ll do it this time.”
And you know that they know.
But minutes later, they do exactly the opposite.
It’s not rebellion.
It’s not a lack of boundaries.
And it’s not that they don’t care.
It’s just that inside them, something isn’t aligned.
They think one thing. They feel another. They act from a completely different place.

This is called cognitive dissonance in its simplest, most human, and most everyday form.
And if we’re honest, it happens to us too. We know how we want to react, now we should act, but some days, emotions take the wheel, and everything else falls behind.

Children live there, just like us. Every day.

In the classroom, you see it without anyone pointing it out. The student who understands but freezes. The one who wants to do well but explodes. The one who disconnects just when they most need to connect.
It’s not that they can’t learn. It’s that, emotionally, they aren’t available to do so.

And here’s an uncomfortable but liberating truth: emotions are in charge. They directly influence memory, attention, engagement, and the classroom climate.
A child who doesn’t feel emotionally safe isn’t learning — they’re surviving.

That’s why social-emotional learning isn’t an add-on. It’s not “if there’s time.”
It’s the foundation.
It’s what allows thinking, feeling, and acting to start walking together.
When we help children understand what they feel, make sense of it, and express it in healthy ways, something unlocks.
Learning stops being a chore and starts to make sense.

And when learning makes sense, behavior changes.
Not because we force it.
But because the child finally feels understood.

Now, how do I do this? Here’s one of many tips that come to mind:

Tip #1.

Before correcting behavior, ask yourself silently: “What emotion is here?”
Many times, we want children to behave “well” without looking at what’s behind their actions.
Shifting the focus from behavior to emotion doesn’t take away your authority — it gives it depth.
Observe, listen, and ask yourself what that child is feeling in that moment. Then ask them; often, the answer is in the question.
Maybe their anger comes from frustration. Their disconnection, from fear. Their attention-seeking, from feeling invisible.
Acknowledging this first doesn’t mean excusing it — it means understanding it so you can guide it.
When we see the emotion behind the action, correction becomes guidance, not punishment, and the child starts learning from the inside out, not just following rules.

Tip #2.

Normalize emotional language every day.
Don’t wait for conflict to talk about feelings. Dedicate everyday moments to naming and exploring them.
“It seems like you’re frustrated with this activity.”
“I can see you’re really excited to learn this today.”
Little comments like these help children recognize what they feel, put it into words, and permit themselves to feel.
Over time, they learn that emotions aren’t dangerous or something they should hide. This gives them tools to regulate themselves and make conscious decisions instead of reacting impulsively.

Tip #3.

Connect content to real life.
When children see that what they’re learning makes sense for their life and their emotions, their brain opens up. Attention sharpens, motivation increases, and resistance decreases.
For example, if you’re teaching math, you can relate problems to situations they experience or to emotions:
“If you want to share these toys among your friends, how would you do it so that everyone feels happy?”
Integrating their experiences and feelings into learning makes everything more memorable and meaningful.
Emotional connection turns any content into something that really matters.

Many teachers feel like they’re doing everything they can, and yet something still doesn’t quite fit.
And it’s not for lack of effort. It’s because teaching without addressing the emotional side is like trying to build a house without a foundation.

When the classroom naturally integrates emotions, the environment changes.
Children self-regulate better.
Learning flows.
And you, as a teacher, start to feel less drained and more purposeful.

If you’ve ever thought your students need more than worksheets and explanations, you’re probably right.
There are resources designed to teach content while children learn to understand themselves, regulate themselves, and grow from the inside out.
Sometimes it’s not about teaching more, it’s about teaching from a more human place.

I invite you to my Class Plus store on TpT, where you’ll find unique resources that give different results, integrating SEL.
And when that happens, it shows.
In them.
And also in how you rediscover the joy of teaching.