Do your kids say things like, “Nobody wants to play with me” or “I feel lonely?” Instead of feeling stuck, try these growth mindset tips to help them build better friendships.
When I realized I could help my kids make great friends, I searched for the best ideas to support them. I’ve created a resource that I hope you’ll find useful, which you can check out at the end of this post. Through this process, I discovered principles that not only benefit your children but have also helped me personally.
1. Embrace Challenges
Carol Dweck’s growth mindset theory teaches that skills and talents can improve with effort. Explain to your kids that making friends can involve facing challenges, such as meeting new people or handling teasing. Help them understand that these obstacles are not barriers but opportunities to learn and grow. By embracing these challenges with a positive attitude, they can build resilience and improve their social skills over time. Encourage them to see each challenge as a step towards becoming better at making and maintaining friendships.
2. The Power of “Yet”
Help kids understand that building strong friendships is a process that takes time and effort. Teach them that just because they haven’t made a close friend or fully connected with someone yet, it doesn’t mean they won’t ever be able to. Encourage them to keep trying, learning, and growing in their social skills. Explain that, like any other skill, forming and keeping friendships requires patience and persistence. Celebrate their progress and remind them that every effort counts, even if it takes time to see results. By focusing on the idea of “Yet,” kids can remain hopeful and motivated, knowing that their ability to connect with others will improve over time.
3. Find Inspiration in Friends
Help kids recognize that they can find inspiration in the friends around them, not just in famous figures. Encourage them to notice and appreciate the achievements and positive qualities in their friends, and see these as examples of what they can also achieve with effort and persistence. Create opportunities for kids to share their own successes and learn from each other’s experiences. By focusing on the progress their friends are making, they’ll understand that growth and improvement are ongoing processes. This not only strengthens their bonds but also reinforces the idea that everyone has room to grow and that they can support each other on their journeys.
4. See Effort as Mastery
Keeping and making good friends often requires commitment and in some cases effort . Encourage kids to view their efforts in building and maintaining friendships as essential steps toward mastering social skills. Help them identify the qualities they value in friends and consider how they can work on building and sustaining strong relationships. Use brainstorming and role-play activities to make this learning process engaging and practical. Emphasize that, just like any skill, developing and maintaining friendships takes time and persistence. By valuing their ongoing efforts and recognizing them as progress toward success, kids can stay motivated and understand that growth in relationships is an ongoing journey.
5. Learn from Mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes, and that's a normal part of learning and growing. Teach kids to view their own mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve, and help them understand that friends will make mistakes too. Encourage them to empathize with others when they make errors and to address any issues openly and kindly. Show them that a sincere apology and understanding can strengthen friendships and lead to personal growth. By recognizing that mistakes are a natural part of relationships, kids can approach challenges with a growth mindset, knowing that both their own and their friends’ mistakes are chances for everyone to learn and improve over time.
6. Handle Criticism Constructively
Help kids view criticism as a tool for growth. Discuss what makes criticism hurtful and how to use feedback to improve. Teach them to distinguish between helpful and unhelpful criticism and to respond positively.
By implementing these growth mindset strategies, you can support your kids in developing stronger, more meaningful friendships. For additional resources on teaching these skills, check out “Character Education - My Burger Menu” for fun and effective ways to promote values and social skills.
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